I just have been fighting sadness lately...Christmas should be a happy time right? well i just can't seem to get in the mood. I decorate the house and set up the tree December 1st, hoping that would help. nope :( Well I am hoping if I blog about it I can move on and feel better. So if you dont want to hear my sadness/down feelings. Dont read :0)
One of my huge sadness of the season....Is this is the second Christmas that my brother wont be home. Last year he was in boot camp in California. This year he is stationed in Japan. I miss him deeply. I haven't seen him since May. Out of my two siblings, he is the only I get along with. My family isn't close and my parents are divorced. So without my brother around, I feel lonely.
My husband's family is like my only family I really have. But after this summer and huge blown out drama fest. Nick's brother and fiancee now hate me because of hearse. SO there is TONS of tension!! Nick's brother is stubborn and wont apologize. I can only apologize just so much. Its sooo high school crap. So this makes the holidays hard when there is soooo much tension and anger and hurt.
There are other little things that way heavy on me. But these are my two HUGE things that way heavy on my heart and stress me out and drag me down. When I think of the holidays, I think of family. ((besides Christ :0) )) And when are missing your brother and a good family connection and love.....well, it makes me sad.
But i have to keep reminding myself, I have 3 beautiful children and husband who stands by me...so life is good :0) I just wish my mind wouldnt dwell on the sad things and only the good things. darn mind!!!
Anyways, Everyone thanks for listening to me be a bummer for a bit. But i kinda already feel a bit better :0)
3 comments:
ugg...I'm glad getting it out helped you to feel a little better! I feel like I have no "Christmas spirit" this year either. Anyway, I actually stopped over at your blog b/c I was just on my blog and noticed that last year you wrote how Maddie wanted to do a Birthday Cake for Jesus and you never got around to it and that maybe next year you would...so, it's next year! Have fun baking a cake with your girls for Jesus!!!
i'm sorry i didn't see this sooner. we've been super busy too. anyways. i'm praying for you! sometimes it does feel good to let it all out. and i totally would miss my brother (if i had one) and he wasn't around for Christmas. i think it'd be really hard. just know that you have the ultimate love found in Christ. :) rely on Him and even though it doesn't make things 'get fixed' at least you aren't going through it alone. praying my sweet friend!!
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I hope you were able to get by and enjoy the holidays even with everything else going on. The drama is totally not needed - I can't stand when some can't just get past things and stop behaving immaturely.
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