a major update...

I have sat here, at least a dozen times, attempting to type something, anything. I just don’t know how much I want to share, how much I should share, or if I should just share the good news and not the bad. So needless to say, I haven’t written anything at all for weeks. I think I analyze my posts too much. Then I just don’t hit publish. So therefore I don’t blog. I need to stop analyzing and just hit publish!! So here’s my attempt. Its gonna be a long post, fyi.

I don’t even know where to start. Early December my family and I went to my mother in laws for the weekend. I woke up in the middle of the night with the worse side pain I have ever had in my life. nothing helped. Breathing even hurt. But if you know me I try telling myself, nothing is wrong, it will go away, I am not running a fever, so I am fine. I always talk myself out of going to the doctor or the hospital. Why? No idea. I am not afraid of hospitals or doctors, so I am not sure why I do it. I even told my mother in law about it, and she thought it was strange. The pain eventually went away. Other symptoms came shortly after, bloating, constipation, fullness, weight loss, nauseous, and basically anything and everything with my digestive system. Then over the weeks the side pain came and went. I thought it was weird. I goggled it, I called nurse direct, and I goggled it more. Everything I heard and read it seemed like my gallbladder was acting up. But me being me, I just said well if it was my gallbladder and it got bad, the pain would get worse and I would get a fever if it got really bad. I know I am horrible! Lol

Then I woke up December 22, and felt sooo sick. I felt like puking! A new symptom, just great I thought!! I hate puke more than anything. It’s my worst fear…like seriously I would rather jump off a cliff then ever puke myself, hear or see it. It’s horrible!! Since I was in so much denial that it was not my gall bladder I tried finding other reasons why I would feel so ill. Maybe I had the stomach flu, maybe it was a new medication, maybe I am going to get my period, or maybe I am pregnant? Since I wanted to make sure it wasn’t the flu, I took a pregnancy test. I know, weird? So I sat in the bathroom waiting to see not pregnant and to move on with the symptoms. Well, this is what I saw!!


Yes, that’s right I am pregnant! I was (and still am) beyond thrilled, what a wonderful surprise! But as soon as I settled down, I started freaking out since I still had the pain and symptoms, which I know are not pregnancy related other than obviously the puking sensation. (I have thought 4 times now that I was getting the flu the day I find out I am pregnant) I then promised myself the next time I have the severe pain I will call my ob/gyn and get this figured out. Yes, the only time I go to the doctor is when I am pregnant. Its all for the baby :)

So fast forward a bit. My sweet hubby, set up a date night first time in years. He got us an overnight sitter and the whole works. We went out to dinner. And since eating has been a chore with the symptoms and now pregnancy, I figured I would just eat a little and play it safe with bland foods. Dinner went okay. As soon as dinner was done, I was instantly sick and asked to go home. The pain hit hard. I was so much pain I just went to bed. What a wonderful date night :( I was bummed. The pain didn’t go away this time. All day Sunday it was there too, this was the worst I have had it.
So Monday morning I called my ob, and he scheduled me a gallbladder ultrasound that day. I went to the doctor, had my ultrasound then saw my ob afterwards. He came in the room and acted a bit odd. He said well since you are here do you mind if I do a normal check up (pap and all). So he examined me. He then said my uterus was larger than my date said so he asked if I could do uterus ultrasound to check dates. I then started to freak out, maybe I was pregnant with twins. Lol the ultrasound showed just one baby. Big relief! I even got to hear the precious baby’s heartbeat. I love that sound!!! :) then I went back in to talk to my ob. He said everything seems fine with the baby. It was actually a little smaller than the date said, heartbeat was right on track and looks good. He then said my gallbladder looked good, no stones, no inflammation, nothing. (I sat there and was think huh, this pain is not imaginary what is going on then!!) He then proceeds to tell me that I have a couple masses on my liver. (what my liver?! Huh) he said one is as large as 8 cm! he said normally when things like these are found, a cat scan is the next step, but since I am pregnant that is not really a good option. Then a mri would be the next option, but the radiologist was not willing to since I am pregnant and in first trimester. Apparently the risk of miscarriage is there and the radiologist didn’t want that risk. My ob then had expressed that if I was his wife, he would suggest that she did a mri, and not wait until second trimester. I just sat there I just said okay. He said a surgeon would be calling to set up an appt tomorrow. I just said okay and left. As soon as I got to my car, I bawled, and bawled. He couldn’t tell me what it was and I hated hearing the chances of miscarriage. This is not what I was expecting! I was expecting having my gallbladder removed.

Thursday, I had my doctor appt with a surgeon. The appt was kinda pointless. He said he couldn’t tell me it wasn’t cancer and that it was. He said he was going to refer me to a liver surgeon two hours away. And that I would be getting a call to set it up. So much was happening and happening so fast, it scared me even more. I just kept to myself and prayed A LOT!! I don’t think I even talked that week!

Friday morning, I got the call. They wanted to seem asap. (great, that didn’t help the nerves) they scheduled me that afternoon. I hurried got a sitter and drove down two hours to the appt. they do a special mri without contrast so the impact is less on the baby. It’s still freaky to sign a waiver for the risk of pregnancy still. God was holding my hand this whole time, if he wasn’t I wouldn’t have been able to do this, any of this!! The radiologist told me the mri should last 20 minutes and 40 at the most. Well it lasted 65 minutes. It freaked me out that it took so long. As soon as I got out of the mri, the tech said the radiologist wants to talk to me after I get dressed. (This can’t be good, I was about to cry) the radiologist walked in and said…well, its not cancer!! I immediately was beyond thrilled; I had ‘good’ tears in my eyes. It was the best news in the world. He did say I have a benign tumor the size of baseball on my liver, but I shouldn’t need any more testing until after the birth of my baby. God is soooo good!!

Tuesday, I met with the liver surgeon. She restated everything I heard on Friday. It was still so good to hear again! Then she said she doesn’t think the pain and symptoms are not caused by the tumor and she would like to continue to do some testing to cross every possible thing off the list before having possible life threatening surgery on my liver. so that was a bit disappointing that I don’t have answers really. But I do understand why go in and have possible life threaten surgery when I could be something else. So I am back at square one. I meet with my ob on Thursday and I am hoping he will refer me to a gi doctor and see where that takes me. its so hard right now to get good answers since I am pregnant. So right now I am on prescription for the nausea, which is causing headaches. :(

This whole experience has shown me how god has his hand in everything. I am so glad I have faith, if I didn’t I am not sure I could be where I am now. Also I would like to thank everyone who has said a prayer or many for me. I completely appreciate it! I am still trying to hold my head up high, and focus on the good.